Many have been asking, and rightly so, whether I've heard from any of the applications I sent in to study post-graduate psychology next year. I thought I would have heard earlier than this if I had gained an interview. Now I have heard from them all. I didn't get in. No interviews.
When I told J he made to comfort me. But I wasn't actually very upset (except perhaps my pride, but not too much). I was just glad I finally knew actually. I knew that entry into these courses was competitive, and I knew that my application wouldn't be very near the top. And the fact that I realised my desire to pastorally care for people means that I don't have to limit myself to a career in psychology. This has been a comfort. It has been freeing actually.
But even before this I don't think I ever had my heart totally set on psychology. It was an idea based on my enjoyment of the things I learnt in class. I was never certain that I could work as a psychologist.
The truth is that I've never been a particularly "driven" person, if I can put it that way, at least in terms of a career. I never had this one pathway, one specific career that I wanted to pursue. I didn't know what I wanted to be like some people seemed to. I didn't know in high school, I didn't really know when I was at uni, though I started forming the idea of pursuing psychology while in second year.
I wanted to do something that I enjoyed, so I followed that path. I've heard people say, do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life. I enjoyed science at high school, so I decided to to a Bachelor of Science at uni. I enjoyed psychology at uni so I majored in it in my degree. I've wanted to study theology for a while (I even thought during high school I might pursue it when I finished school) and so I studied it this past year with J.
I've realised that I want to pastorally care for people. This could be as a psychologist, or a counsellor, or even a theologically-trained worker in a church.
I've loved studying the Bible this year at college. You can read about it here. Maybe I can combine my love of theology and my desire to pastorally care for people.
I've been thinking about this for a little while, at least since I realised my desire to pastorally care for people and since God had closed at least two of the doors on my psychology applications. I'm never going to get a better opportunity than this to study what I love, and study it with my husband. Other study, particularly counselling, is much more flexible.
I don't know what I will do next year, but I want to do what I love.