Disappointingly Present

I don’t think pregnant women should be told they could give birth any time from 37 weeks pregnant to 41 weeks pregnant.  It creates this expectation from 37 weeks that labour could begin any time.  By the time you get to your due date at 40 weeks you’ve been in a state of expectation for three weeks and you don’t want to wait any longer.  Well at least, that’s how I’m feeling!

The reality is that most first pregnancies don’t happen early (before the due date).  And they do tell you this, but you hope to be early anyway.  They’ve given you a four to five week window and the due date isn’t right in the middle, so you’d think your chances of being early are greater. 

But I’ve discovered that this expectation in the pregnant mother’s mind doesn’t just come from medical professionals.  It’s from other people around you too.  It’s like everyone is expecting that you’ll give birth before or on your due date because as that date gets closer people remark on the fact that you’re still pregnant. 

Now that I’ve gone over my due date (by only one day mind you!) I feel like I’m disappointing people when I turn up to events, or pick up the phone, or respond to a text message.  I understand this.  I’m disappointed too that I haven’t gone into labour yet.  But this started before I even reached my due date. 

I think it’s probably more likely that my family and friends are just excited about the impending birth and any sign that it’s happening (e.g. I don’t answer my phone).  Perhaps they don’t remember exactly when I’m due but they know I’m really pregnant and it could happen any time! 

I didn’t think I’d get to my due date, I thought the baby would come early.  But I find myself here, still waiting and wondering why I expected this when I was told that first pregnancies are usually late.  Why did I think I would be one of the minority? 

Maybe it’s the words “due date”.  For everything else in life a due date is the last date possible.  The milk has a due date and you usually wouldn’t drink it after that date has passed!  But it seems that a pregnancy due date (technically called “Expected Date of Delivery”) is just a ball-park date.  Babies can’t be relied upon to be on time!  I knew this, which is why I wasn’t too worried about having February 29th as our due date.  But there’s still something disappointing about going “overdue”. 

So I was thinking that maybe doctors should change the way they talk about when a baby could be born.  They should tell you that it’s fine if the baby is born at 37 weeks, they’re developed enough to thrive.  But calling this “full term” invites expectation and disappointment for too long. 

I don’t think I’m going to change the way medical staff talk to pregnant women just because of my disappointments!  I write this in the hope that I can help other pregnant women handle their expectations, and that I can remember to be sensitive to those who may in future go over their due date in pregnancy.  The baby will come when the baby is ready and that’s probably for the best. 

Escaping the Hot Weather

Here we are at 39 weeks and three days, still waiting.  It’s going to be 38 degrees today and I’ve been trying to come up with creative ways of keeping cool at home (we don’t have an air-conditioner).  I’ve thought about putting a wet towel over the fan, and sticking my feet in a bucket of water, but that’s about it.  Of course, drinking lots of ice water should also be part of the plan. 

There was also the option of going to the local library to sit in their air-conditioning.  Or the shopping centre, but that would involve a lot more walking rather than sitting.  And I wasn’t sure that I wanted to get into the hot car to drive somewhere. 

One of my neighbour friends messaged me this morning to invite me out to the movies, which was something we had talked about earlier in the week as a way of escaping today’s heat.  So at least half the day I’ll be somewhere cool.

We’re going to see “How to be Single”, which is a comedy that has come out recently.  Hopefully the endorphins from laughing will do some good for my waiting!

The Awkward Friend

Some people are brilliant conversationalists.  They know exactly what to say when they meet new people, and always know how to keep a conversation flowing, even with people they already know (and have conceivably exhausted the get-to-know-you topics). 

I am not one of these people.  I don’t often enjoy meeting new people because I can never think of what to talk to them about.  When it comes to a lull in the conversation with friends I feel awkward and unsure about what happens next.  (Of course, there are some friends with whom you can easily sit in silence with and it’s not awkward at all, but that’s a special kind of friendship.) 

I found myself wondering if other people have picked up on my awkwardness and therefore find it harder to be friends with me or to talk to me.  Am I missing out on social opportunities because of my awkwardness?  Am I lowered on friends’ preference lists?  But I was reminded of something that I learnt in a college Ministry and Mission class.  If you want a friend, be a friend. 

And as I chatted with J about this topic I remembered a conversations with a friend where she expressed similar feelings of awkwardness in conversations, but I don’t remember ever thinking that she was an awkward person, or feeling uncomfortable talking to her.  So maybe my awkwardness is just something I feel and not something others see.  Or maybe we’re all a little bit awkward in conversational lulls and blame ourselves, without realising that the other person may be feeling the same way.  

But even so, I would like to work on my conversation skills, to not feel awkward or make others feel awkward.  And I think this will mean taking more opportunities to talk to people.  If you want a friend, be a friend.  I hope I can make some more friends in the process. 

Thankful Thursday

It's been a little while since I've posted in this what was meant to be weekly series.  Whoops.  We're now onto our fourth week of holidays, or I guess in my case: unemployment.  But I like to think of it as holidays, or even a really long maternity leave, because I don't plan to get a job before the baby arrives, and after will be a whole occupation in itself.

Here are some things that I'm thankful for this week:

Games with friends
We've had two nights of dinner and games with friends this week.  We haven't played games much lately with the stress of the end of the year at college so it was nice to have some fun.  I love that so many of our friends and neighbours enjoy playing board games and card games which means we have so many people to play with.  It was lovely to be able to catch up with these friends and hear about their holidays and chat about life. 

The health care system in Australia
We really do have such a good health care system here.  I haven't had to pay for any of my pregnancy appointments because I'm bulk billed as a low-income patient.  But even despite this there is good public health care available, free!  I had a hospital appointment this week and my glucose tolerance test today and it was all so easy. I'm hoping that my test doesn't turn up gestational diabetes but we'll have to wait and see.

Generous community
Two ladies in my community have just had babies and are also moving out at the end of the year.  Both of them have offered me lots of maternity clothes, more than I even need or could fit in my wardrobe.  I'm so thankful for their generosity and the blessing that it is living in this community.

What are you thankful for this week?

(By the way, my parcel arrived as expected two weeks ago!)

A thankfulness post

So I forgot to write a Thankful Thursday post yesterday…  But I really do want to get back into the habit of blogging so that you far-away-friends still get news about what I’m up to.  So I’m writing it anyway, a day late. 

Unexpected flowers
But they weren’t from J!  On Saturday we went to a friend’s birthday party.  She had planned to have a picnic outside on our community lawn but it had rained a lot in the days previous so she decided to reduce the number (family celebrations could happen another time) and move it indoors.  So we had a picnic inside her house!  She had decorated the living room with lots of bunches of flowers and told us all that we could take some home with us (she had so many that she let me take two bunches!).  I love how flowers easily brighten up a room, so it has been lovely to have some in our house.  Unfortunately I didn’t get a picture of mine before some of them died so here’s a similar picture.

Sharing friends’ joy
We have some friends who are struggling with life at the moment.  I’m not going to go into any details because that’s their business.  Recently they have experienced a blessing from God, an opened door to ease some of their struggles.  It has been wonderful to see their joy knowing the contrast with their sadness.  I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited for someone else before and it’s such a wonderful thing to be able to share their joy.

Easy love
J has had (and continues to have) a very busy week this week.  I’ve ended up doing the dishes by myself a couple of times.  But he loves it, and it’s such an easy way to love him!  J hates a messy kitchen, it really stresses him out and he’s so thankful when he comes home to see the kitchen clean.  So I’m thankful that he is easy to love in this way, and that I enjoy doing it for him.

What are you thankful for this week? 

Thankful Thursday

I’ve been sitting at home this afternoon waiting for it to rain.  The weather forecast predicted a lot of rain today but I’m yet to see any of it!  I’m glad that I made it home while it was still dry.  Here are some things I’m thankful for this week. 

It’s my birthday!
It’s my birthday today!  I have to admit that I often feel a bit strange on my birthday.  More people talk to you than normal, saying ‘happy birthday’ and doing nice things.  I’m not used to the extra attention and I’m not really sure how to react to it.  But I have enjoyed the love that friends and family have shown me.  I’m thankful for these people. 

Quick crafts
On Monday I started a crochet project and I finished it today.  It was for a sock bun, I found the pattern here.  It was basically a large square that I rolled up and sewed together.  I haven’t tried it out yet but I’m looking forward to it.  I’m not sure how curly hair goes in a sock bun but I figured this would be a cheap way of trying it!  I’ll let you know how it goes. 

Rebuke and encouragement
There have been a number of instances in the past two weeks when I have felt rebuked about my Bible reading and prayer habits, but particularly prayer.  A lecture two weeks ago, a small group that I led and a chapel sermon.  I’ve been encouraged to get back into the habit, and though it has been slow, I have been more regular than before.  I’m thankful for these painful reminders and the motivation they produced in me.

I’ve got to stop there are get ready to go out for my birthday dinner!

Living in a fishbowl

We don’t often think about our curtains and blinds.  The way they let in or block out light as we desire.  Sometimes we might get frustrated when they don’t work as effectively as we think they should, or when we have to clean them (I’ve never tried washing curtains but venetian blinds are a pain to dust).  But I think we often just take them for granted.  All windows have them.  Except when they don’t. 

There are some significant renovations going on in our block of units.  Basically the whole front of 11 of the units needed to be replaced.  The wooden frames would be replaced with metal.  That meant the whole front had to come off. 

Here’s what it looked like for one of the units (friends of ours recently moved out of this unit). 

Here’s our house with the whole front gone.  We put up plastic painting sheets as makeshift walls to keep the dust off our furniture. 

Unfortunately the workmen had to pull the edge of it down so that they could get in.  They put the new frame on the same day but the insides weren’t finished until several days later.  So we lived in our blind-less, compacted living space with our plastic sheets hanging from the ceiling until the inside could be finished.  I felt like I was living in a fishbowl. 

Thankfully our friends who were away on holidays and had lent us their car had also generously lent us their house and bed if we needed it.  So we took refuge in their house most of the time.  We decided to sleep in our own bed, despite having no blinds, knowing that if the sun didn’t wake us, the workmen starting at 7:30 would. 

 

We’re still waiting for the blinds to go back up, but when we got back from our week away the inside panelling was finished and even the door was painted.  I stuck some newspaper to the window following some of the other units so that we would have a little bit of privacy.  Here’s hoping the blinds will go up soon so we can spread our furniture out again!

Goodbye Claude

Last week, we were driving home from our anniversary dinner.  I was driving because J doesn’t like to drive when he’s had some alcohol.  Part of the drive home involved a long left-turning lane, at an intersection, with a stop sign at the end.  J reminded me of the stop sign so I pressed on the brake.  And then we were jolted forward. 

The car behind us had hit us.  Perhaps he wasn’t expecting me to stop, maybe I did stop too suddenly.  He was following too close behind and maybe he was looking for oncoming traffic like I was, instead of looking at the car in front of him.

I’ve never been in a car accident so I had no idea what to do.  I'm so glad J was with me. The man in the car behind me got out and apologised, and asked me to pull over on the road we were intending to turn onto.  We exchanged details about insurance and license and then went our separate ways.  

After taking the car to the insurance-approved smash repairer it turns out that our car wasn’t worth the money it would cost to fix it.  Or to put it another way, the cost to fix it was more than the car was insured for.  So that means it has been written off, not deemed worth driving anymore.  

Our car was a Peugeot.  J bought it as his first car when he started full-time work.  Since it was French he wanted to name it with a French name and "Claude" was chosen.  We prayed over the car, that it would be used for ministry and its seats shared with friends.  It got us between state capital cities a number of times.  I learnt how to drive a manual in that car.  We’ve used it to help a stranded stranger and to car-pool colleagues.  

We handed Claude in on Wednesday.  It was only fitting that we also had a bit of a wake.  J wanted to buy a croissant or baguette in memoriam, but we couldn’t find any in the bakery we walked into.  So we settled for a crème brûlée and a macaroon.  We ate them at home in Claude’s now empty car space.  

But despite the sadness over losing our car, there are a number of things we are thankful for.  Firstly, we’re glad that this happened during the holidays while the college car-pool isn’t operating.  We’re thankful that it was only a small crash (we were stationary and it was only a small bump) and we weren’t injured.  We’re also thankful for the friends who have let us borrow their car while they are away on holidays.  Another friend has offered us his dad’s old car to use until the registration runs out.  We'll be looking to buy a new car but we’re thankful that we don’t have to rush about it.  

Farewell Claude.  We have many happy memories with you. 

Thankful Thursday

This week has felt like a pretty regular week.  At least, I’m struggling to come up with anything interesting to write about for today’s Thankful Thursday post.  But that’s kind of the point of this series.  It was to help me to find things in my life to be thankful to God for, perhaps especially when life feels pretty normal.  Here are some of the things I’m thankful for this week:

Internet
We recently had new hardware installed in our house that has made internet access much easier at home.  I know that we are incredibly blessed that college provides us with internet at no extra cost.  I am now even more thankful that it is working at home again and not just in our studies in the unit block next to ours.  When we moved here to study at college we never expected to be provided with internet so this is something we are constantly thankful for (even though we sometimes grizzle when it is slow or not working).

Progress with my knitting
I learnt to knit last year (or relearned if you count the one square that I never finished when I was a kid).  I knitted one scarf and then promptly stopped again.  By the time I had finished it the weather had changed out of scarf-temperature.  But I have been re-inspired lately and had a lot of time on Saturday to knit, for which I am thankful.  I’ve been following a pattern sort-of.  Well, it’s really following a certain stitch or texture and I’m making up how wide and long I want the scarf to be. 

  
Dinner with friends
This week we’ll have gone out to dinner at friends’ houses twice (Tuesday night and tonight).  I really enjoy the opportunity that having dinner together gives for getting to know each other better.  We’ve really enjoyed winter dinners in our community where we have dinner with a different family each week.  Tonight’s invitation came from some fellow students in our year at college and I’m thankful for their hospitality in inviting us and the chance to spend some time with them outside of college.

What are you thankful for this week?

Friendship when you’re far away

A couple of weeks ago in an Ethics lecture we talked about friendship.  What friendship is, why it’s important.  Our lecturer told us that friendship is usually characterised by three things: attraction, reciprocity, and proximity. 

As we talked about what friendship is I thought about my friends, old and new, and I was so thankful.  I remember when we moved interstate for college I was afraid that I would find it really hard to make new friends and be away from old ones.  But somehow I did make new friends and have kept in touch with some old ones. 

But I’ve really felt the impact that proximity has on friendships.  I’m sure we’ve all experienced it in some way.  We’re no longer friends with all our friends from high school.  And a big reason for this is proximity.  We no longer see each other five days a week.  In many ways this is okay.  Friendships do end, that’s natural.

But I rebelled against the proximity factor as well.  I don’t want my friendships with some people to end.  Whether it be new friends that I’ve made here or old friends back home.  Lack of proximity will become a factor again, as it already is now.  

When you’re living far away from your friends, and you don’t see them regularly you have to put in more effort.  And I’ve often found that since I’m the one who has moved away then I am often the one who has to put in the effort of maintaining contact, or at the least organising to catch up when I’m back home.  Things got better once I realised this!  I think it will be different again when college finishes because everyone is moving away from college and the responsibility of making contact is more equally shared. 

The reciprocity part of friendship also poked at me.  I’ve seen how loving and generous people at college are.  And sometimes I wonder if I’m being like that.  Nobody wants to be a bad friend, me included.  So I’ve been thinking about what it means to be a friend and how I can be better. 

So I have a question and you can comment in the box below (hint: if you don’t have a Google/Wordpress/etc. profile then you can choose the “Name/URL” option next to “Comment as:” and just type your name there and leave URL blank). 
What do you think makes someone a good friend?

Thankful Thursday

It has been a little while since I’ve posted but this Thankful Thursday series always seems to give me a little push back into writing.  I already posted something earlier today (mostly because it made this post too long so I had to spread it out).  Sometimes I have other things that I want to write about on Thursdays but I have to wait to spread the posts out. We’ve just gone back to college after a week of holidays so I’ll write a little bit about that.  I also want to post about some of the things I’ve been learning about myself in the last few weeks but they’ll wait for another post.

Anyway, here are some things that I’m thankful for this week:

Busy but good holidays
We did a lot in our one week of holidays.  This has left us a bit tired as we started back at college but I don’t think there’s much I would have changed.  The first weekend we flew back home to attend a family wedding and it was lovely to catch up with friends and family there, and to spend some relaxing time with our parents.  We flew under the radar in order to not tire ourselves out, and only organised one catch-up with friends.  We’re sorry friends if you wanted to see us.  Please let me know if you would like to catch up next time we’re home and let me know what you’re up to in the mean time!  I love hearing from friends.

After flying home on Tuesday we readied ourselves to go camping with friends at a spot three hours drive north of Sydney.  We stayed there Wednesday to Friday and had a lovely time relaxing by reading, drawing and knitting (well the drawing and knitting was me not J), sitting around the fire, and doing not much.  On the first night we didn’t have marshmallows to toast over the fire, which was a travesty in my mind.  How can you be camping and sitting around the fire without marshmallows?!  The next day the guys kindly drove the half hour into town to buy some!

Friday afternoon when we got home saw us quickly unpacking the car and re-packing (with the full-size keyboard) to go to a youth conference as part of the music team.  Thankfully that was all we were involved in so we could have some time to relax and get in a bit of college work before term started. 

I loved each of these things that we did but the rush between them was sometimes stressful.  So I’m also thankful for my wonderful husband and his care for me through all of this. 

Wooden floorboards (or simply: no carpet)
If you’ve been paying any attention to the weather in Sydney this week you’d know how the city has been turned into one giant wading pool.  (Actually, as I write this the sky is sunny and the ground dry, hoorah for a reprieve!).  So this week I have been thankful for the wooden floorboards in our house that I don’t have to worry about getting wet as we step inside from the rain.  In fact, our whole house has no carpet.  It’s all floorboards and tiles.  So with the back door leaking a puddle I’m glad I can just leave a towel there to soak it up and not have to worry about drying out wet carpet.

Raincoats
I ran home from college this week!  I’ve posted about it here.  It was rainy and windy and I was so thankful for my raincoat.  It didn’t keep me completely dry but it did keep the wind out so my ears could stay warm.  My ears always ache in the cold wind which makes running unpleasant so I was extremely thankful for warm ears!

What are you thankful for this week?

Achievement unlocked!

At the end of last year I made it my goal to get to a level of fitness that meant I could run the distance between home and college (8km).  Parkrun helped me to get more comfortable with running five kms and helped me to run faster.  The loss of car parks at college provided the motivation for some in our community to up the exercise and start running or cycling to or from college.  But apparently not me.  I talked about running home but kept saying I wasn’t ready.  And it was too hot. 

I think one turning point was on Friday of research week when I went for a run with three guys (friends, neighbours and fellow third year students) and kept pace with them.  One (who was running slower than his usual speed for the sake of the rest of us) encouraged me to just bite the bullet and do the run home from college.  I told myself I would start running home during term two (only a week and a bit away).

Cue wet and windy weather this week. 

But I still did it.  Two neighbour–friends who would normally run home on Tuesday afternoons said they were happy to run in the rain so I went with them so they could show me the shortest route.  We wore rain jackets, I swapped my glasses for contacts (luckily I still had some in my old script) and jumped through the puddles and around fallen branches.  It was actually fun being in the rain but not caring about getting wet. 

It was probably a bit crazy to run my first 8km in that sort of weather but I’m so glad I’ve proved to myself that I can do it.  I’m also glad to know that running in the rain isn’t all that bad (so now I have no excuse on a rainy morning!).  I plan to run home from college every Tuesday and hope to eventually add another day, perhaps Thursday morning or Thursday afternoon, and still continue Saturday morning parkrun. 

Through family eyes

Sometimes life is busy and things happen that I’d love to update you all about, but then the next thing happens and I don’t seem to find a time to sit down and write about it.  There will (may…) be a few posts up this week about things that happened last week that I’d love to reflect on and write about.  I get frustrated writing about things late that I almost give up on writing about them at all, but there have been some great things that I’d like to write about so I’ll swallow the discomfort and write anyway. 

I went with a family of five to The Easter Show on Tuesday last week.  They have a five-seater car but were able to borrow a bigger car from one of our neighbours so that I could ride in the car with them.  The three kids seats took up the middle row of seats and the back row would normally have been accessed from this middle row.  So I climbed over the back of my seat to get in.  The kids couldn’t see me but we entertained each other by high-fives over the back of their seats and surprise tickles on their hands when they were within my reach. 

I had a lot of fun at The Show, helping keep track of the children, visiting the animals, dodging the rain (okay maybe that bit wasn’t so much fun), watching the wood chopping, keeping the children entertained (and being entertained by them), eating show food and marvelling at the food displays. 

It was nice to experience a bit of life with three children, and to help the parents, whether it was holding a little hand or pushing the pram.  I wasn’t bothered about rides or particularly adult things to do at The Show (if there are things that are particularly adult…) and it was fun to watch little faces light up as they spun around in a giant teacup.  I protected a two-year-old from the piglet in the petting pen when she decided she didn’t really want to pat it, reminded her that Hoot had to go home and we said goodbye to him already, and told an-almost-four-year-old the story of the three little pigs. 

The Show through family eyes was fun.  I found myself looking at certain things from a child’s perspective (piglets are quite large when you’re the size of a two-year-old).  But I also saw the parent perspective: constantly on the look out for the children, following her if she wandered in the other direction, and dealing with tantrums.  And it made The Show enjoyable in a different way being there with a different focus that I would at The Show back home. 

Thanks friends for letting me tag along with you and be part of your family for the day!

Thankful Thur– Friday

Oops!  After all that rush on Wednesday I’m late with my Thankful Thursday post.  Here are some things that I’m thankful for this week:

Church camp
Last weekend J and I went away up into the mountains for church camp.  It was a lovely time away and a great opportunity to get to know some people at church better, and have fun together.  I felt more relaxed (and sometimes a bit crazy) than I usually am at church.  Thanks to everyone who shared thoughts with me, sat next to me, played games with me, puzzled with me and prayed with me. 

Making music
On Monday night our college had their graduation ceremony and J and I were involved in leading the songs with three others from college.  It was lots of fun.  There was playful banter, helpful instrument carriers, some insistent glasses cleaning, nerves and beautiful noise.  I also surprised myself by being chatty in the car when we were taking instruments back to college.  It was particularly lovely getting to know our drummer a bit and to see her enjoyment and enthusiasm for music.  Thanks music team!

Our year group at college
On Thursday afternoon we held a “senatorial inquiry” on Luke’s gospel and how it provides hope for a number of different people groups of the time.  It was hilarious (and also informative of course).  People dressed up in togas (or dresses or toilet paper bandages or hessian sacks) and went to town on first century jokes and year group references.  I’m thankful that our year group is funny, friendly and overall fantastic.  I’m so grateful for the friends I have, the helpfulness people show, and the fun we have together.

A flower
I only noticed today that my passionfruit plant has produced a flower!  To be honest, I wasn’t sure that the plant would do very well in a pot so I’m excited that this has happened.  One step closer to getting fruit!

What are you thankful for this week?

Thankful Thursday

Hi everyone! 

Here we go with Thankful Thursday again.  I hope you have some things that you can be thankful for this week.  Here are some of the things I’m thankful for this week.

Books on my phone
I spent several hours at the airport and in a plane last weekend and I’m thankful for technology that fits into my pocket that provides entertainment anywhere.  Sometimes I still marvel at how much phones can do.  I’m particularly thankful for being able to read books on my phone.  This weekend I read through Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen.  I have recently seen the movie and I often find Austen novels easier to read after I’ve seen the movie.  I enjoyed reading it already knowing what was going on. 

Friends who feed me
I had dinner at our friends’ house Wednesday night because J was out at Bible study (which includes dinner).  My friends didn’t want me to have to eat alone.  Then after dinner we sat together in their house and studied (they are both students at college as well).  Being an introvert, I don’t often mind being alone but it was nice to have company that night, to chat about our day and companionably read together.  Thanks friends!

The relevance of the Bible
Today a dear friend preached in women’s chapel on Exodus 3:16-4:17.  We have college mission coming up in a couple of weeks and she used this passage to help us think about mission and encourage us to rely on God who uses even our fumbling words and who helps us to speak.  I’ve been feeling nervous about mission and if I’ll say and do the right things so this was a great comfort and encouragement to me.

A wedding, nostalgia and seven years

I’m recounting my weekend in the wrong order, now I want to write about what I did on Saturday.

This weekend I flew back home to be at the wedding of a dear friend from school.  We became friends in year eight when we discovered a mutual love for the Lord of the Rings.  Throughout high school our social groups changed but we always remained friends.  Even when we hadn't seen each other for two and a half years (because it took me almost that long to work out how to catch up with people when you live so far away) when we caught up these last summer holidays we seemed to pick up where we left off.  

But this post isn't an ode to our friendship.  

The wedding was at our high school chapel.  Oh the nostalgia!  It was weird being back at school and seeing the places that I sat, where I made friends, where I learned.  Some things had changed about the place, but it was mostly the same.  But it wasn't just the view that tugged on my heart memory.  The school is Roman Catholic so as we went through the wedding mass I remembered particular phrases that I once heard every week.  And though I'm not Catholic and I don't agree with everything in the Catholic liturgy I enjoyed my remembrance of the phrases and the places I could confidently add my amen.  

There were some other school friends at the wedding too.  I found myself a bit shy to begin with.  Some of them I haven't seen in seven years!  I don't think I'm a very good conversationalist so I wondered how things would go at the reception.  Thankfully the conversations were pretty free-flowing.  It was really lovely catching up with some of the people I used to hang out with every day.  We didn't exactly catch up on the last seven years, but definitely the last few.  Many of us expressed surprise at how much time had passed.  We'd finished degrees, some of us have moved interstate, someone has bought a house, someone is in the navy, I've been married for two and a half years!  

And yet, I was also surprised at how most of us basically hadn't changed.  Yes we're older (and maybe wiser?) but our basic personalities have stayed the same.  I started nodding to myself: yes, I remember your sense of humour, and I remember your interest in that.  And I'm not sure how much this is a comfort or a concern, because it means that I basically haven't changed.  I wondered if my friends thought that?  

Because I feel like I have changed.  I've learned so much in the last seven years.  I like to think that I've become less shy, nervous and reserved.  That’s because now I'm more confident in God's love for me and my worth as a person.  I hope I've become more compassionate and caring, because I've understood better the compassion that Jesus showed.  

But maybe change is a slower process than I think.  Maybe learning these things doesn't change my personality but the way that I express it.  I pray that in the last seven years I've become more of the person that God wants me to be, but I know that seven years isn't really a long time and there will always be more ways I can be like Jesus.  And I pray that next time I meet my friends they will see Jesus a little bit more.

Sharing is caring. Or is it?

This week after Bible study we started sharing about our families and how we met our husbands and things like that.  It was fun to hear a bit about other people’s stories.  Sometimes I felt like exclaiming, “Oh, me too!  That happened to me!”  But I didn’t.  I’ll tell you why in a moment. 

We get excited when we have experienced what someone else has experienced.  In part I think it’s because it validates our own experiences.  But I sense that it’s more than that.  I know that I get excited about a shared experience because it’s a way of connecting with the other person.  It says I understand what that was like, I understand you, and hopefully then, you understand me too.  Because we all have this fundamental desire to be known. 

And this reminds me that birds of a feather really do flock together.  It’s much rarer that opposites attract.  Even with friends who seem like opposites you’ll probably find that there’s a number of major similarities between them that attracted them to each other in the first place.

I wanted to exclaim that I shared that experience.  But I didn’t say anything.  Because I’ve been trying to listen.  That might sound odd from someone who you know stands pretty often on the listener side of the line in group situations.  What I mean is that I’ve been trying to listen to the other person without speaking to make the conversation about me. 

I went looking for a picture for this post and found these two guinea pigs who illustrate my point quite nicely.  While they are sharing the leaf, it certainly looks like one is trying to take it away from the other. 

Instead of pointing out a shared experience and bringing attention in the conversation to me, I want to stay focused on the other person as I listen to them speak.  I want to care by giving them my attention and not thinking about myself. 

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.”  - C. S. Lewis

Of course there are times when it’s great to share that you understand someone’s experience, especially if they ask!  Often it can be greatly comforting in a hard situation to know that you’re not alone or someone else has been through it before.  But perhaps especially in these times I think we need to be careful about showing the other person that we are listening to them, to their particular situation and feelings.  We can’t assume that they feel the same way as we did just because we’ve experienced the same situation. 

But maybe I’m wrong.  Maybe exclaiming “me too!” is caring and I’m just being overly sensitive thinking that I’m being attention-seeking when I say that.  I don’t think that I have all the answers and I’d love to hear from you if you have some further thoughts.  What do you think?

Thankful Thursday

This week has been tiring.  I’ll explain why a bit further on.  Here are some things I’m thankful for this week:

The car pool
I may have mentioned already that there are some major building works going on at college at the moment.  One thing this has meant is a reduction in car parks reserved for our community.  But thanks to the generosity of the other satellite community we now have two car parks we can use.  This has meant we can get more people in to college with our car pool.  Thank you Westies!
But this also ties into why I’m tired.  I’m in a 7:30am car four out of five days a week and I haven’t been very good at adjusting my sleeping patterns.  But I’m trying to remember to be thankful that I don’t have to walk two and from the train station anymore. 

Friendly Friends
Someone cared enough yesterday to sit next to me when I was alone.  We’d arrived a little late to college because of a broken down bus in a clearway.  There were no spare sets next to friends so I took a seat in an empty row.  A few minutes later a friend from the row behind me moved into the seat next to me because she didn’t want me to be alone.  I don’t think I was sad about sitting alone but I was really thankful for her expression of friendship.  Thanks Ra Ra!

My husband
I seriously should write about him in every Thankful Thursday post.  But this week I am particularly thankful that he cooks for us.  I don’t enjoy making dinner but he generally does and I’m so glad this means that I don’t have to do it.  Even on Wednesday night when he was out with his Bible study group for dinner I didn’t have to make my own dinner because there was something for me that he had prepared earlier.  Thank you J!

What are you thankful for this week?

Thankful Thursday

Here are some things that I’m thankful for this week:

Electric Fans
There have been a couple of times this week when I’ve gotten home from a run or the walk from the train station and I’ve turned on the fan and just stood in front of it to let it cool me down.  The humidity in this city really makes it hard to cool down.  So I’m thankful for electricity and fans. 

Bible study
This week the women’s Bible study in our community started.  Over the past two years I’ve loved this group.  It’s been a great way to get to know the other wives who live here and to love and support each other.  There’s a different dynamic to a Bible study group when it’s all women and it has been wonderful to hear from different people’s experiences and wrestle with the Bible together. 

Harmonies and forgiveness
I didn’t know that I was rostered on to play the piano at women’s chapel this morning.  I should have known, the roster was emailed to me last week.  I just hadn’t integrated it with my diary.  So when I was almost at my train stop for college I got a call from someone asking if I knew that I was on music this morning.  Cue speed-walking from the station to college.  I didn’t have time to practice with the singers (I found out later that my lovely husband had been around earlier when they were waiting for me and had helped them practice).  Thankfully the one song I played was familiar to me and we couldn’t find the music for the other song so we sung it acapella.  And it sounded great!  We even had some harmonies going on.  I’m thankful that it all turned out okay, the singers forgave me and the singing was fantastic.  I love music. 

What are you thankful for this week?

Thankful Thursday

So it’s Thursday again, just as it always happens after Wednesday.  Now that I’m back at college and (getting) back into a routine I feel obliged to again pick up the routine of this regular post series. 

It’s been a while.  That doesn’t mean that I haven’t been thankful in life between these posts, but with routine can come the mundane so I think it will be important for me to continue to remind myself of what I’m thankful for in my life. 

With that introduction aside here are some things I am thankful for this week:

Friends who drive into college
There are some major building works going on at college at the moment and among other things this means that our regular car parks are no longer available.  Despite this there have still been people in our community who are willing to drive into college and venture through the maze of back streets and side streets to find a park off-campus.  So I’m thankful that I’ve been able to get a ride into and out of college every day this week.  I’m not adverse to catching the train or the bus, but the car is quicker and gives us the opportunity to enjoy chatting together. 

Running faster
On Saturday I participated in my first parkrun.  I ran the five km much faster than I expected and have been motivated to run faster for the rest of the week.  My running goal is to run the eight km home from college but I’d prefer that it didn’t take all afternoon so I’m pleased that I’ve been able to pick up my pace.  But most of all I’m thankful that God has given me legs to run with and the surprising pleasure in doing it. 

A veggie patch
I’ve just started growing some things in a veggie patch at out community.  There are a limited number of these and in the past I have been content to just grow some herbs in pots but this year I wanted to grow something bigger.  A friend gave me two tomato plants he wasn’t using, I left some marigolds behind from the previous gardeners and I’ve started some other seedlings.  I’m thankful for this opportunity and space when we live in a small place with no garden.  I’m thankful for friends who help and I marvel at God who makes it all grow.

What are you thankful for this week?